college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
