I am puke
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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