Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize