I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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