i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
