After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
