I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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