I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
