Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
