well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
