So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
