He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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