can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
