Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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