she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
