is your mom at the bar?
I faked an abortion last night.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
