Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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