I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
