I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I would ride that face into the sunset
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
