the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
