Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
