we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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