Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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