I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize