I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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