Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
