I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
