I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so let's talk penis.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
