I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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