No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
