at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
