I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
