I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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