I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize