I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
