I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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