How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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