I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
