He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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