He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
