I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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