it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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