Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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