I cockslap morals
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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