on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
