i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
