guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
one two three fourrrrnication!
so let's talk penis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
