Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
