we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
