Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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