Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
