Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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