Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
