Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
