So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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