She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
