it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
