Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize