if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
PANTIES FOUND
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
