Me. At least after what I've been through.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
