I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
