I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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