Plan B is the new Plan A
someone owes me an orgasm
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize