Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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