Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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