is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize