I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
