The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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