Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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