that's an acceptable place to lick
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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