Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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