If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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