The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
