Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
