i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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