I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
