so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
