Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
