In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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