Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
