You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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