I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
