I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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