are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
