just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
