Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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