hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
