i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
