Christians are straight up FREAKS
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
