Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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