Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
