Cold hands, warm shart.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
