her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
