I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize