I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
