She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
