There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
