Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
