My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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