I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
