i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
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