Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize