i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
