It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
