What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
