And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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