Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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