Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
